my super friends

May 31, 2007

my super friends

MY SUPER FRieNds

the only guys missing here are cathie, weng, beki and erni as well as mel2x's pet, maki.

I'm a very complicated person. I'm usually misunderstood. I'm usually very weird. I'm a very difficult person. but these friends of mine, these SUPER friends of mine are the chosen few who has been given the burden and the curse to understand, care, stand and get me. a task that's not so easy.

I know I have my imperfections. I have so much negativity and evilness in me. But what I'm thankful for my friends for is the fact that they do their best to see beyond all these and understand the real me amidst all the chaos. and what I love about them is that they bring out the goodness in me. For an evil, cruel person such as myself, having "GOOD" company can do wonders. on the other hand, I bring the evilness out of them. But at least the balance is kept; yin and yang.

A couple of days ago, I posted something about not wanting to go back to the place I have to go back to. but really, I think the more important point is, I do not want to LEAVE. I have been keeping all the homesickness bottled up inside me for the entire duration of the past school year. I kept on shoving it into my subconscious. but i was still fully aware that those emotions were there--somewhere. and now that i have fully grasped and acknowledged this nostalgia, which is a very painful process especially if its a 10 months' worth of homesickness all bottled up in a fragile and evil heart, such as the one i have, its-- its a traumatic experience. That's why, now, I'm trying to escape ever having to feel it all again because i know its going to be very difficult for me. but its just one of those things that you can never hide from. not even when your trying to hidce it from yourself.

when i was at the airport in cdo, i was really early for my flight. so, i had time to chat with my family before i left. i was feeling fine. but usually, when i had to leave cdo, i wouldn't really feel anything. like I'm numb from all emotions or something. but at that moment, i was feeling fine. then when i was boarding the plane, i was not so fine. i was crying. it was the first time it ever happened to me.

a year ago, when i left cdo, the first time id ever had to leave cdo for a very very long time, i didn't cry. i didn't really think too much about how I'm not going to be able to see my friends anymore or how far ill be from my family or how my life was actually going to change. i was rather numb. i had no reaction to whatever was taking place in my life. i wasn't even excited about studying in manila. i was just there. but my heart and my mind weren't.

so, it actually surprised me that i was crying at the airport at that moment. good thing i had shades on. so then i realized that i was fully aware of my emotions this time. this time, i understood that the 7 long months (i wont be going home for sembreak

) that id be away from my friends, my family and my home will be 7 long empty months for me.

but i guess, the three weeks i spent in cdo were enough for me to collect enough memories to sustain me for the next 7 months.. the overnights, the rendezvous, the parties, the fun times, the chit chats and everything else.. ill hold those memories dear to my heart until the next time i go home and create new memories with them..

so to all my super friends.. to all the uwags and kiats out there..
you guys know who you are naman..
ingats always!