when the easiest thing to say is---ewan
there is only one reason why i blog.
that is to unload the things that are clouding my mind.
my previous posts are all about me. my hell. my demons. my doom. all mine. after all this is my site. and i don't get paid to blog and nobody really reads my posts which is totally fine with me.
ive been staying here at the Rizal Library till 9pm for the past 2 days. actually, i will make it my home for the rest of the week. that includes sunday. yes, sunday.
this semester has got to be the biggest obstacle in my college life yet. one big thorn in a garden of stones. for the first time in my life, i finally felt how it feels to fail. aside from failing my subjects, the harsher truth is i have been failing myself.
that makes things get into a whole new and HIGHER level.
so in all the chaos in my young life, i always somehow get through it alive.
I would never really think that I'm in the middle of one big storm. i just focus on the goal. i just want to find myself a shelter and get out of the storm.
but recently, there's this storm in my life called FIRST SEMESTER of SCHOOL YEAR 2007-2008. its a very long name for a typhoon. its a local one. its only known to the sophomores of admu batch 2010. everyone has faced this storm at one point. too bad my time's right now.
everyone has their own unique experience with this typhoon. It is indeed one of a kind. it lasts for five months and it hasn't ended yet.
the thing with this typhoon is its winds come with stress at 1000kph. the rainwater is polluted with depression and failures. its also an acid storm in a sense that it erodes the spirit and mental health of its victims, the infrastructures known collectively as humans under the category of ADMU SOPHOMORES.
its the worse storm yet. but there will be more to come.
the thing with this storm is that i actually came to appreciate the rain, the winds, the remains of the things that have been witness to its havoc. when in the past i would run as fast as i can away form the storm to find myself in a secure dry place, this time i stopped in the middle of the eye of the storm. at first if was peaceful but i didn't move when the storm moved. I stood there and never left my spot. So when the storm finally came, I let myself be drenched with the rainwater polluted with depression and failures. I let myself be slapped by the wind that gushes at 1000kph of stress. I came to stop in the middle of all the chaos, the rain, the wind, the debris of all the storm's victims.
i stopped in the middle. and forgot the reason why i was there. I also didn't understand why everyone else was running for shelter because i felt that i didn't have the reason to do the same. I didn't find a reason to save myself from this ceaseless pit of chaos, suffering, water and wind. I just stopped in the middle of everything. disenchanted.
if you ask me why i stopped ill tell you one thing--ewan.
its the easiest thing to say when you're to scarred and weakened by a storm you could have avoided but chose to face. its stupid but you did what you did and its time to face its consequences. but reality is harsh and scary that's why i choose not to face it. thats why ill tell you ewan. one because as of the moment i really don't know. two because i know i have the capacity to know but I'm not ready to. three because its easier for me. but harder in the long run.
ewan.
that is to unload the things that are clouding my mind.
my previous posts are all about me. my hell. my demons. my doom. all mine. after all this is my site. and i don't get paid to blog and nobody really reads my posts which is totally fine with me.
ive been staying here at the Rizal Library till 9pm for the past 2 days. actually, i will make it my home for the rest of the week. that includes sunday. yes, sunday.
this semester has got to be the biggest obstacle in my college life yet. one big thorn in a garden of stones. for the first time in my life, i finally felt how it feels to fail. aside from failing my subjects, the harsher truth is i have been failing myself.
that makes things get into a whole new and HIGHER level.
so in all the chaos in my young life, i always somehow get through it alive.
I would never really think that I'm in the middle of one big storm. i just focus on the goal. i just want to find myself a shelter and get out of the storm.
but recently, there's this storm in my life called FIRST SEMESTER of SCHOOL YEAR 2007-2008. its a very long name for a typhoon. its a local one. its only known to the sophomores of admu batch 2010. everyone has faced this storm at one point. too bad my time's right now.
everyone has their own unique experience with this typhoon. It is indeed one of a kind. it lasts for five months and it hasn't ended yet.
the thing with this typhoon is its winds come with stress at 1000kph. the rainwater is polluted with depression and failures. its also an acid storm in a sense that it erodes the spirit and mental health of its victims, the infrastructures known collectively as humans under the category of ADMU SOPHOMORES.
its the worse storm yet. but there will be more to come.
the thing with this storm is that i actually came to appreciate the rain, the winds, the remains of the things that have been witness to its havoc. when in the past i would run as fast as i can away form the storm to find myself in a secure dry place, this time i stopped in the middle of the eye of the storm. at first if was peaceful but i didn't move when the storm moved. I stood there and never left my spot. So when the storm finally came, I let myself be drenched with the rainwater polluted with depression and failures. I let myself be slapped by the wind that gushes at 1000kph of stress. I came to stop in the middle of all the chaos, the rain, the wind, the debris of all the storm's victims.
i stopped in the middle. and forgot the reason why i was there. I also didn't understand why everyone else was running for shelter because i felt that i didn't have the reason to do the same. I didn't find a reason to save myself from this ceaseless pit of chaos, suffering, water and wind. I just stopped in the middle of everything. disenchanted.
if you ask me why i stopped ill tell you one thing--ewan.
its the easiest thing to say when you're to scarred and weakened by a storm you could have avoided but chose to face. its stupid but you did what you did and its time to face its consequences. but reality is harsh and scary that's why i choose not to face it. thats why ill tell you ewan. one because as of the moment i really don't know. two because i know i have the capacity to know but I'm not ready to. three because its easier for me. but harder in the long run.
ewan.
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